Family or Acquaintance?

Recently, God's been speaking to me about church being as a family. The Bible talks about us being the body, and, also, that we should love one another like a brother. I haven't been seeing this much lately. I'm including myself here.

One of the things that brought this on was something my brother said after a Christmas party we were both at. He mentioned how everyone scattered and fled after being told the events on the schedule were finished, but the house was open to converse and commune until whenever you wanted to leave. Now, I'm sure everyone was tired, had places to be, children to attend to, etc, but the comment itself made me think about what it means to be family.

I stayed until around 9 at night and was the last one to leave by a long shot. It was also my sister's house. By the time I left, they all had gotten into their comfy clothes and were just relaxing on the couch. How many people do you feel comfortable enough around to be able to do that? Now, how many people from your church that aren't your family are you comfortable enough to do that around?

I'm so guilty of going to church, having some small talk, and then going on my merry way, but that's not how families are at all. Family is comfort. Not everyone has had a great family life, but I'm sure we all know what it's supposed to look like. It's being able to sit in silence without feeling awkward, knowing you can tell them anything and they won't judge you, knowing you can do anything to them and they'll still always love you, crying, laughing, arguing, forgiving, confiding, convicting, loving, not having to make a place for them in your heart or life but wanting to.

Family has been such a near and dear thing in my heart, but I haven't been treating everyone as such. I've been too afraid of making someone feel awkward rather than just going up to them and putting an effort into making a relationship. My heart truly is to make everyone feel welcome, as I do my own family, but I've been afraid. Some of that is my fault, but some of that is the church community as a whole. I think we've been looking at each other through wrong lenses. Lenses like, "If they do something to hurt me, I don't ever have to talk to them again" or "We just don't get along. We like different things. It's ok that we're not friends." Jesus never ever looked at people like that. His eyes were always full of unselfish love and compassion without judgement.

Lately, I've been trying to get better about that. I've been pushing myself out there, going up and talking to people when I don't want to, trying to include someone I may not have a lot in common with. It's really hard and sometimes everything in me screams to walk in the other direction and not make eye contact, but we're supposed to be a family. Families talk to each other and actually enjoy talking to each other. How am I supposed to care for and lift up my brother or sister in Christ if I can't even have a five minute conversation with them?

We need to stop judging each other long enough to remember that we are supposed to love each other as Christ loves us. The Church is supposed to be a safe haven where people can come and feel comforted, loved, reassured, and safe, not judged, belittled, condemned, and gossiped about. If we have our eyes on each other as we do our actual family members, then we'll stop at nothing to make sure they know how much we love them.

(Side Note: Please, don't come talking to me about someone else, how weird they are, share their secrets with me, or tear them down to me. I really don't want to have a part in it and neither should you. There's never a good enough reason not to be someone's friend. The number of people I've heard talking about other people lately is outrageous and shameful. We are so blessed that God doesn't judge us as harshly as we judge each other. For ever being a part of tearing someone else down or speaking words I shouldn't, I apologize.)

My urge to you is to make real relationship with the people around you at your church and make strides to become a real family member to them. If we can't love the people inside our walls, how can we love the people outside of them?

³⁴ “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. ³⁵ By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
John 13:34-35